A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
