He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
