His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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