Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
