So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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