States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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