told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
