is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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