I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
