I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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