I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
