so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
