So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
