know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
