Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
