I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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