I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
