Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
