I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
