i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
