Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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