I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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