is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
