Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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