am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
