i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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