He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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