dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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