We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
