But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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