Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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