can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
