I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
