Whod you bang
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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