Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
