Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I party with great urgency now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
