Three words: puerto rican gang bang
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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