4 words: hood of his car
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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