soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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