she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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