saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
