I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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