I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
