GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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