I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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