Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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