No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize