I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
