I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
