Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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