HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
