waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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