I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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