i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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