I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
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