im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
