Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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