She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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