I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize