Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
