i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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