our cab driver is having phone sex.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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