Where is the hickey?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just tell him i said nine months
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
