my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
