I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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